expectations, a card, flowers, maybe a nice dinner - after all it was my first mothers day....right?
In the days leading up to Mothers Day, I was such a proud new mom. I had gone through 9 months of pregnancy, gained a whole lot more weight than I cared to admit, went through the cravings, the morning sickness.....and afternoon and evening sickness, the mood swings and the stretch marks. I had grown a beautiful baby boy inside my body, protecting him right up until my due date, when I actually went into
labor on my own. After 13 hours of labor with absolutely no drugs and two hours of pushing a baby that should have been sectioned - I finally delivered my 9 lb 12.7 oz baby boy.
After the longest two minutes of my life, after suction and an oxygen mask he finally began crying and so did I. I felt on top of the world when they placed him in my arms. I had done it, he was finally here.
My whole life changed in that moment. I no longer cared how I looked, was my hair ok? did I have makeup on? was there really a need for this many people to be running around while I was practically naked? Nope, none of that mattered, I was on cloud 9. Tristan had made it into the world and all I could do was look at his precious little face and smile. All of the exhaustion and pain I felt was gone, I didn't feel the least bit drained, in fact I don't remember feeling much of anything except pure bliss, like nothing I had ever felt before. The hospital could have crumbled around me and I wouldn't have known it because all I knew was he was here
and he was perfect, a little blue, but perfect!
He was 7 months old on my first Mothers Day, a beautiful little piece of my life, my whole world. I spent the day crawling around the floor with him, playing and thinking how I was so blessed to have him in my life. I thought I had everything I had wanted, a beautiful baby boy, a man who loved me and what could be bad about that?
Although as sad as it is to say, I was bitter that day. I'm sure your asking now, what was there to be bitter about? I just said I had it all - right? I think it was the expectation I had put forth of that day. I was a first time mom, I had went through so much - I thought I deserved to be recognized for it, afterall I had went through so much.
My own mother had gotten me an absolutely beautiful and moving card about growing up and how amazing it was to see her little girl become a mother, a card that filled me with tears and left me speechless. But that was the only card I received that day, I felt betrayed and angry. How had he forgotten all about my first mothers day? Afterall, I gave birth to HIS child, and he couldn't even take the time to give me a card. Something so significant in my life, meant absolutely nothing to the man I loved. I truly felt like my first mothers day had been ruined.
It has been a few years since that day, I've got through a few Mothers Day's now and I have grown up so much since then. This year will be another first, a first Mother's day with my 2nd little boy and my first Mother's day as a single mom. Both a little scary, but even so I am looking forward to it. I no longer think of Mother's Day as a day for me to be recognized - I think of it now as I day where I should be thankful. I have been blessed with two amazing little boys, who fill my life every day with happiness, craziness,
blissfulness,and exhaustion somedays but I wouldn't change it for the world.
I've been asked if I ever get Bored being a mom, doing the same things over and over.My answer to that.....Bored? Who has time to be bored when you have two kids? I definitely don't have time to be bored, or to go out to a bar every night, or to spend free time watching movies,- I spend my time with my boys, playing trucks, or coloring, or watching the same shows over and over, my tv is always on treehouse, my washer and dryer are always going, some days I give more than one bath to the same baby, sing the same song or read the same story 5 times in a row. I don't look like a model, I'm not a size 7 anymore, I don't get to dress up and wear makeup every day, usually I've got baby food on my clothes and cookies in my hair but I have so much more!Every night I get to hear "Good Night, I love you mommy" as I tuck my whole life into bed, I get to hold hands with the two most precious boys in the world, I get more hugs and kisses in a day than I can count - it might not be a glamorous life but I AM TRULY BLESSED!
I am a VERY proud single mom, I love my children more than anything in the world and I wouldn't give it up for ANYTHING!
I leave you with this beautiful little story I read tonight. A baby asked God " They tell me You are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?" God said " Your Angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you." The baby asked " Who will protect me?" God said your Angel will defend you even if it means risking her life." The baby said " God please tell me my Angels name!" God said you will call her MOMMY!!!"
So to all of the Mothers out there - HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! I truly hope that you all feel as blessed as I do to be able to have this day and say "Yes I am a Mommy and I truly proud of it!"
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| Me and Tristan just after his birth |
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| Me and Cameron - holding him for the first time |
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