on Forgiving

Forgiving can be defined as excusing a fault or offence or renouncing anger or resentment against something.

In the past I forgave others and have been forgiven also but some situations are easier to forgive than others. For example, when I was a teenager and my sister "borrowed" my clothes without ever giving it back, it was an easy situation to forgive, give us a day or two, a bit of yelling and things went back to normal. But in other situations, hard, life changing situations, forgiveness is difficult and forgetting can be impossible for a lot of people. I mean how can people be expected to forget some of the most painful experiences of their lives?

Forgiveness is a choice. But forgetting a past hurt or deceit is a little more than simply excusing a situation or letting it go. Arnold Patent said, “forgiveness is not letting bygones be bygones. It is coming to the realization that, seen from the spiritual perspective, nothing wrong ever happened. Therefore there is nothing to forgive.” We are so concerned about the inconsiderate behavior that has caused us great pain and suffering. Thinking "How could they have done this to me?" or the dreaded "why?". "Why did it happen?" "What could I have done to change it?" The questions that sometimes don't get an answer and burns right through us, bringing us more and more to think of our own answers "Maybe I..." or "If only....". Willing us to think about our past and try to change what has already been said and done, as if it would make things better, easier somehow.

Forgiveness can't be wished. We can make a decision to forgive someone but that's it. It will happen when it happens. We say, “time heals all wounds.” I don't think this is true. It isn't the time that heals, it is when we just get tired of holding onto the anger and resentment that the person or situation has caused us. Sometimes it can take years and sometimes lifetimes, for some people it eats at them until they are gone and they never fully release it.

I mean sometimes you have to meet people halfway. It means that you may never get over your anger or resentment towards that person or situation. You may never fully forgive someone for something they have done. I find what helps is staying around people who make you feel good, it's an act of looking out for yourself. A guarantee that maybe, just maybe, you can avoid being hurt again by the same type of situation.

So I guess my question comes down to can I finally forgive the things in my past? I wish I knew the answer. I have wasted so much time & energy crying over situations that I can't change, things in my past that I will never be able to know, questions I will never have answered. I constantly wish that I have it in my heard to forgive & forget and set myself free from the misery that these questions cause.

But after more than a year of emotional turmoil, my focus has changed. My inability to forgive was eating me up and I need to get better.when you don't forgive someone, it can eat you up inside. It's not healthy to keep resentment bottled up inside of you. It is now, that I have decided not to forgive exactly, but allow myself to let go of those things in my past that have haunted me, the things that constantly drive me crazy thinking about them. It's time for me to let it go, get it off of my chest and really use that strength that everyone keeps telling me that I have.

It's time for me to leave it all in the past, to focus on me, my boys and our future. It's time for me to be happy!