As a single mom people do not realize that parenting is a full time job, we are both mother and father and then factor in that we have to work for a living as well and it's like doing three jobs at once.
Like any single mom my days are about my boys. My days basically consists of geting up by 7am, most nights not going to bed until after 11pm, lots and lots of laundry so they have clean clothes to wear since they get fithy most of the time with food, dirt, water or sand, paint, pretty much anything they can get their hands on, playing on the floor with the baby, building towers with my little man, playing pretend, driving tractors in the dirt, reading stories, watching treehouse, driving to gym class, playdates, going for walks, then factor in other things like grocery shoping, paying bills, or attempting to clean up with two boys running around your feet and my day can get pretty busy and hectic.
Tired seems to be a permanent fixture in my life, but its worth it to have my boys with me, being there with them every day, watching their firsts, seeing them learn and watching them grow. The moments that I have with them are some of the most amazing moments of my life! There are definitely days that I want to pull my hair out or scream. I get asked a lot "How do you do it all by yourself?". It took me a while to come up with the answer to that.
I can see how people think it's lonely being a single mom, wondering how I do it by myself. For the most part I do this alone, I'm doing the job of both Mom and Dad - I don't have a husband to vent to about daily troubles, no one to help me bath the boys, get them to bed, get up in the morning, no one to talk to about things going on with the boys, or anyone to give me a break and let me go to bed early or sleep in. I thank god a lot for my mom and dad, who help me out so much!
So my answer to the question is that I just do it! My day to day life keeps me busy enough that I don't usually realize that I'm missing any of this. I may not be enough for some people, but one thing I do know is that I'm everything to my boys. That is what gets me through every day, that's where I get my strength from. No matter how bad life can get- I love being a mom and I wouldn't change it for anything in this world, single or not!
Being a single mom can be extremely tiring, I compare it to running a marathon every single day, its physically and mentally exhausting. Everything is up to you, your kids depend solely on you, one little screw up and it's your fault, the blame rests on you. One of those lines that somedays you have to repeat to yourself, "Remember, it's only you now, they depend on you, you will get through this because you have to". Although
there is a lot of good things that come with the bad. For all of the tough times, there are those moments where the sun peaks its head out of the clouds and things just somehow get brighter and seem clearer. These are the days which make it all worth it.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Life and Humor
Thinking back to when I was younger I remember saying at least once to my parents, "Your embarassing me!". Being a mom I have finally realized why they do it! It's payback for all of those times when we were kids when we embarassed the crap out of them!
I'm sure I have enough embarassing stories to fill this entire page, but I want to share one with you that could possibly be the most embarassing thing that will ever happen to me, but even so, as completely embarassed as I was, looking back I can still laugh at it.
My 2 1/2 year old son is learning his words, different words for different things, everything has a different word and sometimes two alike things have different words. He used to always point to the clock on the wall when he was a baby and ask "whats that?" so I'd always tell him it was a clock. He got so used to it that he started calling watches clocks. Although being a young boy, he isn't that great with pronouncment yet, he tends to add letters to words or leave them out altogether.
So one day, when we was about 2, we are walking down the mall and he sees a big sign with a watch outside the jewlery store, he looks at me and says "cock mommy" and I of course say "yes baby that's a clock, its a small clock called a watch, its smaller than the big clock we have on the wall at home". He seems pretty content with that and so we continue down the mall. Suddenly he gets really excited, waving and pointing to this man walking towards us and screams "mommy, look a big cock!!!" - he was pointing to the guys watch! The guy looked at me and I could feel the heat starting in my face, Im sure I could have fainted right there. All I could say was "no honey that's not a clock, its a watch" loud enough that the man could hear
and keep walking. But if that wasn't bad enough, after getting our groceries, the man ended up in line right behind us. I was completely mortified.
But I think what is even harder, is trying not to laugh at them without them seeing me do it. There are times when my sons do something and as a mom, I know it's something that they shouldn't but it is just so darn funny that I actually have to turn around and stiffle a laugh or cover my mouth with my hand so that he won't see it and continue the behavior that I usually know he shouldn't continue. Like the time when my sons use of the word “fridge” sounded like “b*tch” and he ran toward the fridge while screaming, “Open the b*tch, Open the b*tch.” or about the time we are driving down the road and I about died when out of nowhere he yells “LOOK MOMMY! A F*CK A F*CK!!”, it was only after a few stunned moments that I realized a semi was driving past us and he was refering to the "Truck".
Sometimes its not even what they say but it's the determination and the defiance on their faces. I mean how do you not laugh when your two year old storms out of the room and says”I am mad at you mommy!” with this complete straight face for something so trivial as putting his spoon in the sink instead of letting him do it himself? or the time when we are driving around town and nana decides to pull into the wrong lane and my sister says "geez mom!" and the entire hour drive home my son is saying "geez mom!" for anything that I'm saying!
There is always humor in your life if you are willing to look for it. Sometimes it can be really hard to find. But I have found that with my two little boys, my life is pretty funny, they make my life a lot more funnier than it would be otherwise! And I don't think I'd have it any other way! :)
I'm sure I have enough embarassing stories to fill this entire page, but I want to share one with you that could possibly be the most embarassing thing that will ever happen to me, but even so, as completely embarassed as I was, looking back I can still laugh at it.
My 2 1/2 year old son is learning his words, different words for different things, everything has a different word and sometimes two alike things have different words. He used to always point to the clock on the wall when he was a baby and ask "whats that?" so I'd always tell him it was a clock. He got so used to it that he started calling watches clocks. Although being a young boy, he isn't that great with pronouncment yet, he tends to add letters to words or leave them out altogether.
So one day, when we was about 2, we are walking down the mall and he sees a big sign with a watch outside the jewlery store, he looks at me and says "cock mommy" and I of course say "yes baby that's a clock, its a small clock called a watch, its smaller than the big clock we have on the wall at home". He seems pretty content with that and so we continue down the mall. Suddenly he gets really excited, waving and pointing to this man walking towards us and screams "mommy, look a big cock!!!" - he was pointing to the guys watch! The guy looked at me and I could feel the heat starting in my face, Im sure I could have fainted right there. All I could say was "no honey that's not a clock, its a watch" loud enough that the man could hear
and keep walking. But if that wasn't bad enough, after getting our groceries, the man ended up in line right behind us. I was completely mortified.
But I think what is even harder, is trying not to laugh at them without them seeing me do it. There are times when my sons do something and as a mom, I know it's something that they shouldn't but it is just so darn funny that I actually have to turn around and stiffle a laugh or cover my mouth with my hand so that he won't see it and continue the behavior that I usually know he shouldn't continue. Like the time when my sons use of the word “fridge” sounded like “b*tch” and he ran toward the fridge while screaming, “Open the b*tch, Open the b*tch.” or about the time we are driving down the road and I about died when out of nowhere he yells “LOOK MOMMY! A F*CK A F*CK!!”, it was only after a few stunned moments that I realized a semi was driving past us and he was refering to the "Truck".
Sometimes its not even what they say but it's the determination and the defiance on their faces. I mean how do you not laugh when your two year old storms out of the room and says”I am mad at you mommy!” with this complete straight face for something so trivial as putting his spoon in the sink instead of letting him do it himself? or the time when we are driving around town and nana decides to pull into the wrong lane and my sister says "geez mom!" and the entire hour drive home my son is saying "geez mom!" for anything that I'm saying!
There is always humor in your life if you are willing to look for it. Sometimes it can be really hard to find. But I have found that with my two little boys, my life is pretty funny, they make my life a lot more funnier than it would be otherwise! And I don't think I'd have it any other way! :)
Friday, June 1, 2012
on Forgiving
Forgiving can be defined as excusing a fault or offence or renouncing anger or resentment against something.
In the past I forgave others and have been forgiven also but some situations are easier to forgive than others. For example, when I was a teenager and my sister "borrowed" my clothes without ever giving it back, it was an easy situation to forgive, give us a day or two, a bit of yelling and things went back to normal. But in other situations, hard, life changing situations, forgiveness is difficult and forgetting can be impossible for a lot of people. I mean how can people be expected to forget some of the most painful experiences of their lives?
Forgiveness is a choice. But forgetting a past hurt or deceit is a little more than simply excusing a situation or letting it go. Arnold Patent said, “forgiveness is not letting bygones be bygones. It is coming to the realization that, seen from the spiritual perspective, nothing wrong ever happened. Therefore there is nothing to forgive.” We are so concerned about the inconsiderate behavior that has caused us great pain and suffering. Thinking "How could they have done this to me?" or the dreaded "why?". "Why did it happen?" "What could I have done to change it?" The questions that sometimes don't get an answer and burns right through us, bringing us more and more to think of our own answers "Maybe I..." or "If only....". Willing us to think about our past and try to change what has already been said and done, as if it would make things better, easier somehow.
Forgiveness can't be wished. We can make a decision to forgive someone but that's it. It will happen when it happens. We say, “time heals all wounds.” I don't think this is true. It isn't the time that heals, it is when we just get tired of holding onto the anger and resentment that the person or situation has caused us. Sometimes it can take years and sometimes lifetimes, for some people it eats at them until they are gone and they never fully release it.
I mean sometimes you have to meet people halfway. It means that you may never get over your anger or resentment towards that person or situation. You may never fully forgive someone for something they have done. I find what helps is staying around people who make you feel good, it's an act of looking out for yourself. A guarantee that maybe, just maybe, you can avoid being hurt again by the same type of situation.
So I guess my question comes down to can I finally forgive the things in my past? I wish I knew the answer. I have wasted so much time & energy crying over situations that I can't change, things in my past that I will never be able to know, questions I will never have answered. I constantly wish that I have it in my heard to forgive & forget and set myself free from the misery that these questions cause.
But after more than a year of emotional turmoil, my focus has changed. My inability to forgive was eating me up and I need to get better.when you don't forgive someone, it can eat you up inside. It's not healthy to keep resentment bottled up inside of you. It is now, that I have decided not to forgive exactly, but allow myself to let go of those things in my past that have haunted me, the things that constantly drive me crazy thinking about them. It's time for me to let it go, get it off of my chest and really use that strength that everyone keeps telling me that I have.
It's time for me to leave it all in the past, to focus on me, my boys and our future. It's time for me to be happy!
In the past I forgave others and have been forgiven also but some situations are easier to forgive than others. For example, when I was a teenager and my sister "borrowed" my clothes without ever giving it back, it was an easy situation to forgive, give us a day or two, a bit of yelling and things went back to normal. But in other situations, hard, life changing situations, forgiveness is difficult and forgetting can be impossible for a lot of people. I mean how can people be expected to forget some of the most painful experiences of their lives?
Forgiveness is a choice. But forgetting a past hurt or deceit is a little more than simply excusing a situation or letting it go. Arnold Patent said, “forgiveness is not letting bygones be bygones. It is coming to the realization that, seen from the spiritual perspective, nothing wrong ever happened. Therefore there is nothing to forgive.” We are so concerned about the inconsiderate behavior that has caused us great pain and suffering. Thinking "How could they have done this to me?" or the dreaded "why?". "Why did it happen?" "What could I have done to change it?" The questions that sometimes don't get an answer and burns right through us, bringing us more and more to think of our own answers "Maybe I..." or "If only....". Willing us to think about our past and try to change what has already been said and done, as if it would make things better, easier somehow.
Forgiveness can't be wished. We can make a decision to forgive someone but that's it. It will happen when it happens. We say, “time heals all wounds.” I don't think this is true. It isn't the time that heals, it is when we just get tired of holding onto the anger and resentment that the person or situation has caused us. Sometimes it can take years and sometimes lifetimes, for some people it eats at them until they are gone and they never fully release it.
I mean sometimes you have to meet people halfway. It means that you may never get over your anger or resentment towards that person or situation. You may never fully forgive someone for something they have done. I find what helps is staying around people who make you feel good, it's an act of looking out for yourself. A guarantee that maybe, just maybe, you can avoid being hurt again by the same type of situation.
So I guess my question comes down to can I finally forgive the things in my past? I wish I knew the answer. I have wasted so much time & energy crying over situations that I can't change, things in my past that I will never be able to know, questions I will never have answered. I constantly wish that I have it in my heard to forgive & forget and set myself free from the misery that these questions cause.
But after more than a year of emotional turmoil, my focus has changed. My inability to forgive was eating me up and I need to get better.when you don't forgive someone, it can eat you up inside. It's not healthy to keep resentment bottled up inside of you. It is now, that I have decided not to forgive exactly, but allow myself to let go of those things in my past that have haunted me, the things that constantly drive me crazy thinking about them. It's time for me to let it go, get it off of my chest and really use that strength that everyone keeps telling me that I have.
It's time for me to leave it all in the past, to focus on me, my boys and our future. It's time for me to be happy!
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